Go Army! Seriously… Go… Do Something.

in Navy Stuff/Props

This post originally appeared on the USNI Blog here.

I don’t care what you all say, I’m pulling for Army this year. I mean, lets be honest, they need a win. Everyone just found out that while we thought they were fighting in Afghanistan for the last 18 years, they were actually just chilling at the pool drinking mai tais. Why exactly was I drilling holes in the North Arabian Sea tracking sortie after sortie go up the “Boulevard” for months on end? Wait a second! Were you aviators just driving your jets to the pool to get in on the mai tais??? That is literally the only thing that could make being a SWO more “SWO-ey.”

Anyways, it’s a good thing the game is nationally televised, so Army can’t just claim the game keeps going into another overtime after Navy ties it up with some dishonorable trick play. Or they could just employ the “Syria Model” and get on the bus midway through the fourth quarter and leave the cheerleaders to finish the game.

My point is it’s rough being in the Army recently. Let’s let ‘em have this one. They do try, ya know. Those of you who’ve had joint tours know what I’m talking about. I once saw an Army O-5 actually reschedule his crossfit class from 1000 to 1430 because of an OPT meeting. Now that’s dedication. Ohhh, you know I’m only kidding! Army O-5’s don’t work out. Or go to OPT meetings. Its not really their fault. The Army is so dang big you can almost get lost in it. After all, we have to properly resource all those land wars we’re pretending to fight (sure would be nice to have all those ships that the generals keep asking for though . . . just sayin’). I feel like there is probably some major out there that no one in DoD even realizes is on active duty, and he’s just collecting a paycheck like Sonny Koufax in “Big Daddy.”

Don’t get me wrong. Some of the best officers I’ve ever served with are in the Army, but man have I met some duds. In the first few weeks of my joint tour, I remember thinking “no wonder we can’t beat the Taliban.” They must send their best young officers somewhere else, kinda like how the Navy does joint tours. Now that I think of it, the Navy sent me to a joint tour. Hmmm . . . actually, yeah, that makes sense. Ironically, the senior Army officers I’ve worked with really like having SWOs on their staff. Who wouldn’t like having officers that will work themselves to the bone for fear of another lashing?

So, like I said, go Army. They really need this one. Besides, is there any chance the President is going to hand us the Commander-in-Chief Trophy after the year we’ve had?

P.S. You like how I casually inferred that all the lying about the Afghanistan stalemate is the Army’s fault and deflected any of the blame away from the Navy? That’s a SWO dagger, shipmates. You can keep it.

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